Hombre's Search for Meaning

I've often asked myself two unanswerable questions, one dependent on the other.

  1. Is there a purpose to life?

  2. What is said purpose?

Curiosity has no doubt been one of the greatest tools we possess as humans. It took us out of the plains, out of the jungles, and out of the shallow seas and thrust us into 90 foot skyscrapers with a seemingly infinite supply of food, water, and shelter. It's allowed us to understand the mysteries of the universe, thermodynamics, fluid dynamics, even spiral dynamics (to some extent), all prompted by (for) and "solved" for (by) our curious minds.

But this same ferocious desire to indubitably "KNOW" the answers to quite literally everything, is also one of our greatest handicaps. In search of the "why," I myself have spent countless hours scouring the databases I have at my disposal for "an answer." First, through Catholicism, I allowed myself to get lost in the Bible and all that was scripture (granted I was young, reallll young). But, as I began learning about Hinduism, Judaism, Buddhism, and Islam, I began to question what it was that I "knew." How then, could I be right, and billions of people wrong?

It didn't take many hypocritical church goers for me to run out of the Catholic Church screaming and begging for "different" answers. Right around high school, when I learned about slavery, genocide, and "man's inhumanity to man" in my history classes, I withdrew myself into a reluctant refuge of atheism. I wondered how so many people of age (not children) could put so much faith into, not only something that they couldn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt, but something that had (if not caused) allowed so much wickedness...

Around my senior year at The Naval Academy I stumbled upon, what would be my "religion" for the next decade, good ol' Existentialism. Numbing myself to existence and surrendering myself to the absurdity that was existence was the only way I could seem to cope with said "death" of God. I now "knew" that reality was at the mercy of those who decided to partake. And while I "knew" that the driving force behind all my actions was in fact me, I couldn't help but shake an eerie feeling that I had little control over what I did.

My anxiety, depression, carnal desires, such dominant forces that dictated so much of my day to day, supposedly controlled by me, yet I remained powerless at the hands of what seemed to be an invisible God, an invisible force that drove me, compelled me, controlled me. Whatever control I thought I had was simply an illusion. The more I became aware of it, the more helpless I felt. How could I, then, run away from a God that was inside of me, that told me what to eat, what to say, and how to be? How could I run away from my own brain?

And that's... the basis for this illustration. The brain, or puppet master, runs the show as I, a discarded piece of chopped wood, remain lifeless, pushed in any which way so as to give the illusion of life. My hair, a very noticeable sign of aging, is bracing for the inevitable demise of said wood, as if it were bracing for a winter storm. My shoulder was in a lot of pain over the summer from a workout injury so I thought I would throw that in here, quite cheeky. Why oranges you might ask? Well why not, life is absurd as it is, the only reason oranges may'nt(*) make sense is because of the relationships we give value to in our collective head.

The interesting thing about this piece, at least for me, are the blue eyes that I'm looking towards. In my quest for answers and thirst for knowledge, every stone I overturned seemed to point back to depression (blue eyes) that's how I initially drew it at least. The interesting part is that, after a newfound perspective on spirituality within the past few weeks, I wonder if instead of depression, my brain was really trying to tell me that the answers I seek to the questions of life, must be found internally, not externally...

If you're looking for more answers in life, these art prints may be it, as long as the question is "what should I add to my walls?" The link above will take you to the shop, where you can buy this print, and a few others like it. As always, thanks for stopping by and see you next time.

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